Book Club #1

I am going to do a series of book reviews on my blog on books that have to do with parenting and behavior.  I just finished reading the book "The Self Driven Child" by Stixrud and Johnson. I was drawn to this book because I have been having an ongoing discussion with my hiking friends about how to get our children to be self motivated.

I am grateful that I ended up with two very self motivated children. I asked them how they think they ended up that way.  They both said that they like challenges and that they don't like to be bored. This still didn't answer my question so I read the book.

The subtitle of "The Self Driven Child" is "The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives"  The book encourages giving your child more autonomy.  It says the role of a parent is to be a "consultant" to your child. This makes a lot of sense to me because when we feel like we have control we are likely to have less anxiety and are more invested in our lives. I actually wrote a blog about choices in Oct. 2013 if you are interested in going back to read it. Control and choice does not mean that they get to do whatever they want -- limits and rules are important.

Another point in the book was that kids and teens need a passion in their life. This can be a sport, hobby, or interest. I have found that my patients with interests tend to do better socially and academically and are more likely to stay out of trouble than those who don't.

There is a chapter in the book called "The Nonanxious Presence."  It talks about how a parent's anxiety can contribute to your's child's anxiety.  A light bulb went on when I read this because I worry about my daughter's driving.  She found it funny that I didn't worry about her when she traveled to Hong Kong and China by herself but that I can't handle the idea of her driving to and from Flagstaff.  What this book told me is that my worrying about her driving makes her have less confidence in her driving. (There must be something to worry about since mom is so worried)  I told my daughter this and she agreed.  So I am going to work on decreasing my anxiety about her driving. (at least I'm not going to let her know that I am worrying!)

After reading this book I have concluded that there is not a simple path to developing a self motivated child. I highly recommend this book. It it very thought provoking.

P.S. If you read this book let me know.  I would love to hear what you think.