Everyone seems stressed this time of year so I thought we would talk about a few things to help.
1. Manage your expectations. If you expect your house, tree, food all to be Pinterest worthy you will be upset when it doesn't happen.
2. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks or is doing. It's ok if your house is the only one on the street without a large light display.
Let's talk about what creates memories for kids and how to do it simply.
1. Kids remember certain decorations (especially ones that they made). There is no need to put up all your decorations if you don't want to -- ask them to put up the ones that mean the most to them.
2. They remember things that happen year after year -- holiday rituals and routines. Ask your kids what is important to them and limit what you schedule to what their answer is. We did breakfast with Santa with the kids for years. It turns out they enjoyed making Christmas cookies and having pizza on Christmas Eve more.
3. The most memorable holidays are the ones where things go wrong. It doesn't seem funny at the time but it will be talked about for years.
4. Kids like the simple things. Spend the day in pajamas playing board games and drinking eggnog and hot chocolate. They also like holiday movies, books, puzzles, crafts.
5. Consider using convenience services. Certainly we all use Amazon but consider ordering your groceries online. If holiday cooking is stressing you out then use a prepared meal from a grocery store or restaurant or even go out to eat. Your kids are only going to eat half a roll and 3 bites off mashed potato so they are not likely to tell the difference!
I hope this helps you out and that everyone enjoys the holidays.
Friday, November 30, 2018
Thursday, March 22, 2018
Book Club #2
I am going to continue my review of parenting books with the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain. I first read this book several years ago and it really spoke to me since it described myself as well as most members of my family.
"Quiet" is about the role of introverts in a society that values extroverts. One third to one half of our population are introverts. The definition of an introvert is complex. Jung's definition is that an introverts are drawn to the world of thoughts and feelings while extroverts are drawn to the world of people and activities. Introverts need time to be alone while extroverts need to socialize. This does not mean that introverts are anti social or shy. It means that they prefer to get together with friends one on one while extroverts like large social gatherings.
I think this book is valuable to parents because it helps define some different temperaments which will help them understand themselves and their children better. Sometimes parents are concerned about their children when they don't want a large birthday party or that they leave a social gathering to go and read in their room. These are characteristics of introverts. Our society values extroverts which puts pressure on parents and children. Understand that your children might be different from you as well as well as from their siblings and that you may need to adjust your parenting accordingly.
"Quiet" is about the role of introverts in a society that values extroverts. One third to one half of our population are introverts. The definition of an introvert is complex. Jung's definition is that an introverts are drawn to the world of thoughts and feelings while extroverts are drawn to the world of people and activities. Introverts need time to be alone while extroverts need to socialize. This does not mean that introverts are anti social or shy. It means that they prefer to get together with friends one on one while extroverts like large social gatherings.
I think this book is valuable to parents because it helps define some different temperaments which will help them understand themselves and their children better. Sometimes parents are concerned about their children when they don't want a large birthday party or that they leave a social gathering to go and read in their room. These are characteristics of introverts. Our society values extroverts which puts pressure on parents and children. Understand that your children might be different from you as well as well as from their siblings and that you may need to adjust your parenting accordingly.
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Book Club #1
I am going to do a series of book reviews on my blog on books that have to do with parenting and behavior. I just finished reading the book "The Self Driven Child" by Stixrud and Johnson. I was drawn to this book because I have been having an ongoing discussion with my hiking friends about how to get our children to be self motivated.
I am grateful that I ended up with two very self motivated children. I asked them how they think they ended up that way. They both said that they like challenges and that they don't like to be bored. This still didn't answer my question so I read the book.
The subtitle of "The Self Driven Child" is "The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives" The book encourages giving your child more autonomy. It says the role of a parent is to be a "consultant" to your child. This makes a lot of sense to me because when we feel like we have control we are likely to have less anxiety and are more invested in our lives. I actually wrote a blog about choices in Oct. 2013 if you are interested in going back to read it. Control and choice does not mean that they get to do whatever they want -- limits and rules are important.
Another point in the book was that kids and teens need a passion in their life. This can be a sport, hobby, or interest. I have found that my patients with interests tend to do better socially and academically and are more likely to stay out of trouble than those who don't.
There is a chapter in the book called "The Nonanxious Presence." It talks about how a parent's anxiety can contribute to your's child's anxiety. A light bulb went on when I read this because I worry about my daughter's driving. She found it funny that I didn't worry about her when she traveled to Hong Kong and China by herself but that I can't handle the idea of her driving to and from Flagstaff. What this book told me is that my worrying about her driving makes her have less confidence in her driving. (There must be something to worry about since mom is so worried) I told my daughter this and she agreed. So I am going to work on decreasing my anxiety about her driving. (at least I'm not going to let her know that I am worrying!)
After reading this book I have concluded that there is not a simple path to developing a self motivated child. I highly recommend this book. It it very thought provoking.
P.S. If you read this book let me know. I would love to hear what you think.
I am grateful that I ended up with two very self motivated children. I asked them how they think they ended up that way. They both said that they like challenges and that they don't like to be bored. This still didn't answer my question so I read the book.
The subtitle of "The Self Driven Child" is "The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives" The book encourages giving your child more autonomy. It says the role of a parent is to be a "consultant" to your child. This makes a lot of sense to me because when we feel like we have control we are likely to have less anxiety and are more invested in our lives. I actually wrote a blog about choices in Oct. 2013 if you are interested in going back to read it. Control and choice does not mean that they get to do whatever they want -- limits and rules are important.
Another point in the book was that kids and teens need a passion in their life. This can be a sport, hobby, or interest. I have found that my patients with interests tend to do better socially and academically and are more likely to stay out of trouble than those who don't.
There is a chapter in the book called "The Nonanxious Presence." It talks about how a parent's anxiety can contribute to your's child's anxiety. A light bulb went on when I read this because I worry about my daughter's driving. She found it funny that I didn't worry about her when she traveled to Hong Kong and China by herself but that I can't handle the idea of her driving to and from Flagstaff. What this book told me is that my worrying about her driving makes her have less confidence in her driving. (There must be something to worry about since mom is so worried) I told my daughter this and she agreed. So I am going to work on decreasing my anxiety about her driving. (at least I'm not going to let her know that I am worrying!)
After reading this book I have concluded that there is not a simple path to developing a self motivated child. I highly recommend this book. It it very thought provoking.
P.S. If you read this book let me know. I would love to hear what you think.
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